No one wants to be home alone for Christmas - periodt - But fact of the matter is that many of us queer sibilings who have been exiled from home or found ourselves ‘single’ during the time were you’d hope to be with a partner so you can meet the parents and show them your loveliness, grace, holiday jokes, and helpfulness even if it means receiving a pair of socks or a weird jumper because ‘they didn’t know what to get you’. It’s all worth it just so you can call a place home for the holidays.

*trigger warning*

I mean to be honest I would rather take a sleeping pill (or metaphorical bullet to the head) and sleep through it all to be honest. Christmas is never what it seems.. Coming from a traumatic childhood where the Christmas Tree ( which I would annually bring in the house on my own) would be thrown outside (seriously) while my mother out-yelled my father about his alcoholism only to prompt him into staying up all night (drinking) and crying about how he only ever loved her outside my bedroom door till the morning, then we had to wake up and open presents while my parents didn’t speak.

Fast forward twenty years and I get to watch ‘traditional’ British families of all variations accept their queer offspring and shower all the family with love, holiday traditions, fine wine, walks, dinners, (drama) and presents.. Seriously.

This year I decided I was done feeling like a rescue shelter animal during the holidays and finding myself doing it all over again as the relationships never seem to work out and I want to start my own non-codependent traditions.

This year (I am single) and even though I have asked everyone to let me stay home alone  the offers for orphan christmas tings continue to roll in (so I just politely decline)  BUT I have successfully managed to get OMICRON (the new covid variant) and it has allowed me to stay at home, keep people away and do absolutely nothing most importantly with no one.

So enough of a pity party about me, my past and my dimming future when it comes to a beautiful rom-com Christmas that the new film ‘single all the way’ has given me even more unrealistic expectations about- i thought I would write a list of things you should do (or that I have done already and plan to do during the three day spirit of Christmas Eve, Day and Boxing day).

DO NOT GET ME WRONG! I don’t hate Christmas, I love it, I love presents, I love watching tv, I love eating food and getting drunk.. But I personally am at a point in my life where I just want to do it my way.. Or with my people, that I know I’ll get to keep forever (is that too much to ask?)

I think we carry shame about wanting to spend Christmas alone or most importantly spend it in our own home. I am proud to live by myself this year and for the first time in my life.. I am spending Christmas Home Alone (even without a pet) but in MY home.

Here are some things that I suggest you do to keep yourself busy over the Christmas period - As a Queer person remember you are creative, clever, and can survive anything so try some of these and do whatever comes to your mind that makes you smile. Find happiness in everything you do over Christmas and rest assured it’ll be over in no time.

1. Face-time your friends you know who are also alone or with Covid, check on your trans siblings who might not have places to call home either.

2. Watch Movies or your favourite TV shows (It’s a great time to finally watch all the Drag Races around the world) or do extensive youtube digging on the rise and fall of Keri Hilson.

3. Watch the top ten films of all time (can you make it through Citizen Kane or Casablanca) or text a friend and ask them to suggest a movie

4. Make a meal plan to get you through all of your days (and try to make the meals fun and creative) (NO READY MEALS and also don’t eat the same thing everyday.. It made me go crazy during lockdown one in two days)

5. Read a book that you have been meaning to read for ages (or listen to it on audible if it’s too difficult to pay attention to pages) - I recommend ‘The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks’

6. TLC yourself from top to bottom, Person-scape, cut your nails, trim those bushes (YOUR BROWS.. sicko) and maybe dye your hair .. While you wait, clean your bathroom cupboards.. They don’t clean themselves and you’ll find a whole lot of shit you forgot you bought.

7. Try to go for a walk or better yet a run :) Keep your body in motion - Try a HIIT class or a Yoga Class.. Maybe even a weights class.

8. How about culling your wardrobe and give everything you don’t need to charity? I scheduled my pickup for early january and have given myself the goal of one rail only.

9. Go minimalist? Go through your house and get rid of everything you don’t need .. keep things you know you’ll have in your forever place.. It might be hard but try it :)

10. Dream boarding, journaling and manifesting - Spend some time thinking about what you want this year to look like and make notes - it's the best way to make those changes come to life.

11. I love listening to full albums from start to finish.. So have a go at listening to classics like Serge Gainsbourg or Nina Simone - DO NOT listen to Adele or anything depressing like that.

12.  If you don’t have COVID - wrap up warm and go for a walk.. It’s a lovely way to be merry and smile at passers by.

13. Snacks are your friend, the more elaborate the better :) try to stay away from sugar crashes like ice cream and chocolate.

Before you know it you’ll be hearing your emails ping pong in your inbox and people will be back in the office. In the meantime know you are loved and feelings are just thoughts and they can be changed. If you feel lonely (phone a friend) if you feel sad (put something on that will make you laugh) if you feel excited (do an online workout) .. there is something for every emotion, state and time of day..

Remember if you are feeling really lonely please do reach out to @ndyglobal and someone will be there :) or here is the number to LGBTQIA Switchboard London: 03003300630 - REMEMBER FEELING LONELY DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE ALONE. Someone is there and will be there for you :) x

Other than that Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and know you are deeply loved and cared for and we’ll see you on the other side. x